JD's Journal: 2008

Aug 16, 2008

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Biopsy Results
Sometimes it's very difficult to send updates. This is one of those times. We needed a few days to digest what we heard and try to figure a way to let you all know. The pathology results of Garrett's biopsy were not what we had hoped. Garrett's heart does have an area infiltrated by lymphocytes, a group of little search and destroy blood cells that try to kill foreign bodies within our own.
The game plan right now is to let his otherwise healthy body try to fight this rejection, and to closely watch him. If he shows any signs of fatigue, etc, we will have to take a much more aggressive approach. The doctor feels that the chemo type medications can be counterproductive because they are so hard on other parts of the body. He wants to wait a while. Either way, he has to have a very extensive biopsy surgery in just a couple of months, again. He does not know, and I do not want the kids to know right now. He has had too many nights of worrying if his new heart will last. I want him to think he can climb the highest mountain and jump the tallest building. He is a warrior and needs to keep a warrior's mind set.
For now, I ask that you keep the prayers coming. We have not been in a fight yet we cannot win. By the Grace of God, we will win this one, too.
God bless you,
JD
Posted by JD at Thursday, August 14, 2008 0 comments
Monday, August 11, 2008

August 11, 2008
Today was surgery #21. It never get’s any easier, just more familiar.We spent the weekend in the mountains drowning worms to get Garrett’s mind off of the impending date with the surgeon. God brought us some much needed rain while we were there, but it didn’t dampen our spirits, only the ground. Garrett and Jessi made quite a discovery up there. He brought me back a few “cool looking rocks”. They were actually flint chips, which are created when the Indians were flint knapping tools and arrow heads. I had him take me to where he found them and we did a little digging. Our archaeological adventure turned up quite a few flint chips, a few small arrow heads and a broken flint knife. The kids got quite a kick out of digging for these when they understood that their ancestors (Ute Indian Tribe) may have camped along the river near where we found these.The weekend was a good routine breaker because Garrett had his date with the surgeon this morning for another biopsy. It was needed to ensure that everything is still going as it should be. He was scared, but cowboy’d up just like the little warrior he is. I carried him to the operating table, same as I have some 20 other times. And just as I have the other times, I wiped the 1st tear off of his cheek and rubbed it on my own. I can’t take his pain and fear from him, but at least I can help carry his tears.The doctor came out a short while ago and told us that visually, everything looked good. They got several good “bites” from inside his heart. Afterward, Jessi made the most incredible comment. She said the doctor "didn't look sad this time”. She remembered the look on his face when he came out in February to tell us Garrett was dying. She is an amazing little girl.Tomorrow we should have the results of the biopsy. If all goes well, we should get to take him home tonight, because they only have to go in through the groin area instead of opening him clear up. He’ll have to stay relatively calm for a few days, but God willing, will be up and aggravating his sister within a day or two.As I sit here next to him while he sleeps in the recovery room, I can’t help but think of how fortunate I am and how I appreciate all of the continued prayers and intentions. We have so much to be grateful for this year, even though the journey is far from complete. The love and friendship of so many continue to humble me daily, and I will never tire thanking our Lord Jesus for the blessings I truly don’t deserve.Until next time, may He shine upon your path, keep your horses gentle and keep your tanks full.God bless,JD
Posted by JD at Monday, August 11, 2008 0 comments
Friday, August 1, 2008

August 1, 2008
Summer is quickly growing to a close, and Garrett has stayed busy. With the exception of a few scary bumps a couple weeks ago, he has been doing great! We were fortunate enough to spend the weekend with Darren's family in Wyoming, and to see Garrett interacting with Darren's siblings is very emotional. Garrett's been riding horses, buckin' barrels, roping the dummy, shooting the bow, playing catch, chasin' kitties and dogs and pestering his sister and mom. No two days are the same, and each day is a new adventure. He hates to sleep, won't ever admit that he's tired and leaves toys and clothes scattered all over the house and yard. Pretty much a normal little boy!August 11th will be a test for him. He has another biopsy surgery ordered, and is already starting to get scared. Surgery #21 should not hold any surprises, but please keep the prayers coming. We didn't expect any in February, either.With all the blessings we've had, we expect Garrett to be able to attend school this fall and be able to play around other kids again, with some minor adjustments. God is good and He shines every day in the life of this child and our family.God Bless,JD
Posted by JD at Friday, August 01, 2008 1 comments
Labels: Summer 08

Jul 5, 2008

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Happy 4th of July
We have had a very blessed 4th. A special treat was Darren's mom and two of his sisters came in from out of state to spend the weekend with us. They are such incredible people, and we will obviously be eternally grateful that they heard God direct them to donate Darren's heart to Garrett. With what I have jokingly referred to as a diesel powered engine running inside of my littlest Cowboy's chest, he has more energy than we could have imagined at this point. His check ups continue to be positive and he is able to enjoy his summer the way little boys should.We've been playing catch, roping the dummy, riding horses and are planning a fishing trip. Life is so wonderful for us right now. It's easy to put aside the unknowing and fears that constantly try to break our concentration and spirit. We're just doing our level best to be as "normal" as possible and appreciate every day as a new victory.This weekend we're taking care of a friend's place, and among other things such as feeding their horses and goats, they have a sick calf. Garrett jumps right in there and helps daddy get the job done. Jessi holds the medicine, I rope the calf by the head and one leg and Garrett walks up behind him and ropes his hind feet. He's so proud of himself and he just beams when I make over what a great loop he threw and how I couldn't do it without him. You can't cut me with a diamond!I hope you are all enjoying your families right now as much as I am enjoying mine. Each day is just a little more special than the one before, and the little things that go out of whack, just don't seem important anymore.For those interested, the local paper here ran another story on children with congenital heart disease. There is a photo of Garrett and a nice spin to the story about the need for organ donors.

http://www.newfalconherald.com/DisplayArticle.php?ArticleID=4400

Some wonderful friends have also started putting together a benefit rodeo/family dance. You can read about it on their website:

http://www.heart4garrettross.com/

God Bless you all and Stay Safe!
In Him,JD

Jul 2, 2008

JUNE 23, 2008

Well, I have been bad by not posting for a while. We have been so enjoying our new found "freedom" at home, that I haven't been inside much. Here is the short story of our last month.We've had plenty of challenges, but overall they are minor. Garrett is doing great! His health is holding up and with a few small changes to his medicine, he's been getting A's from his check-ups. We had a little scare when he got an upper respiratory thing, but it turned out to be allergies and no hospitalization was needed. We continue to guard that carefully, as he's months from having a good immune system.Kathy and I have been very protective of the kids, physically and emotionally. I have tried to prevent any major emotional trauma to them, as they have had enough to last a while. Just after we got home, one of the kids' dogs got kicked by a horse and broke his leg. Then a few days later, one of the other dogs got poisoned. They both required stays at the vet, and one surgery, but both are recovering well. Then we had a pasture fire that could easily have burned down the buildings, but the wind changed suddenly and pulled the fire in another direction. We lost a few acres, but dodged another bullet. Last weekend I thought our luck had finally run out. Garrett's been doing so well and everyone is healing inside so nicely, and then I got a call at work. Kathy had run the horses in and Garrett's mare had developed a huge tumor inside of her left nostril. I sent a vet over and he called me with bad news. The tumor is a rare one, but a fatal one. We had no choice but to put her down.The news brought tears to my eyes. I asked him to have until Saturday so I could prepare the kids and let them say goodbye. I knew this would crush their spirit. They had been through so much and could not wait to get home to their animals and had already almost lost two. Garrett had cried only days earlier, wanting to ride his horse. He was getting to the point we were going to let him, as she is a gentle old soul who is great with the kids. He'd lost a good horse a year ago Christmas, then Jessi lost her horse last fall. They didn't need another hit right now. Saturday morning came and as Garrett and I went out to feed and I prepared to tell him the news, he excitedly said "daddy, she's better!". The tumor had fallen out of her head and was laying on the ground. It was the size of a summer sausage and weighed over a pound. The vet came and said it was a "one in a billion" chance. In all his years as a vet, he had never seen it happen. This truly was another gift from God!With all we have seen this year, we continue to be blessed every step we take. I am absolutely the luckiest man. I have been given so many extra chances with my children, and they continue to bring joy to all they meet.We continue to bring Garrett up to the hospital every week for a full goin'-over, but so far, so good.Thanks for all the continued prayers and good thoughts. We serve a fantastic, loving God!May He smile on you all as much as he has us.

JD

May 18, 2008

WE'RE HOME!!!!!

By the Grace of God and special favors from the doctors, we were allowed to come home this week! After Garrett's biopsy, they surprised us by letting us come home a few days ago. The doctors have been very understanding, realizing the stress on the family being away from home. They are so pleased with Garrett's progress, that they decided to let us sleep under our own roof. Since the roads are good now, we can commute to the hospital from here. They also said they are doing this because we have been through it before and they don't have to "train" us about what to look for or do if Garrett has sudden problems. The rules of the game stay the same, in that we have to be back to Denver frequently for blood work and a complete check ups. In those cases, we will just stay in a hotel overnight to be at the hospital 1st thing the next morning and spend the day there. Most likely it will be 2-3 times a week.

I cannot express the overwhelming feelings we have all experienced in the past few days. Listening to the kids laugh and yelp as they play with their new barn kittens and just run around the yard. I can tell you that beautiful sound has brought moisture to this old cowboy's eyes. It has been though, and a little challenging to convince Garrett that just because he's home, doesn't mean he can do everything and go anywhere. He still cannot be around crowds of people or anyone with even a cold. But just being able to sleep in our own home is amazing! The Little Warrior is charging forward with his family in tow. We never imagined they would let us come home so early, but it is yet another testimony to the power of prayer and the answer being "YES". Momma's a little nervous, but I know this move is a very good sign.

Now we'll just try to remember what it was like to be here. Lotsa cobwebs, dirty pens and dead grass to clean up. Never had so much fun cleaning up the place. As spring brings new life to our part of the planet, we get to have a new beginning with it. And it is that much sweeter because of all of your support and love. Thank you!'

Ain't God great?!

May 8, 2008

May 7, 2008

Well, great news today! The hospital called and Garrett's pathology from the biopsy was read as an R-1, which is "fantastic". There were only a few little cells of concern, but not enough to treat for now. He will have another biopsy in 4-6 months. Overall, the results of the surgery were as much as we could hope for. God is good!!!!!!!!

Garrett's body is accepting his new heart really well. We'll adjust his medication a little to bring his levels up to par and continue to come in a few times a week for blood work and a thorough diagnostic, but now it looks as though we can start to heal emotionally and seek some 'normal' living, with obvious restrictions. At least there will be no immediate anticipation of any more surgery for a while.

We had a little bit of an anxious last few days, hoping and praying that everything would turn out well, and our prayers were answered with a resounding "Yes". Garrett didn't even have nightmares last night, which were expected from some of the medication he had to be on yesterday. He did see little orange butterflies when he woke from surgery and it was kind of funny as he drowsily tried to reach up and catch one in the recovery room. But at least he didn't have any giant gnomes or grizzly bears chasing him! :-)

These past few days have been filled with emotional highs and lows. Garrett was so scared for the surgery, and we tried to stay positive but also deeply prayed for no rejection. We also learned of the sudden passing of a very good friend. He epitomized the term "Cowboy Gentleman". Please keep Frank's family in your prayers. I know he is in paradise today.Life is so very fragile, and we are blessed to have this little life charging forward with no signs of slowing down. The future looks very bright.More good news soon. God bless you all and thank you again for all the continued support.

JD

May 6, 2008

Praise be to God and thanks for the prayers! Garrett came through his biopsy surgery very well today. It was a tough start as they poked 4 holes trying to start an IV with no luck. Then they gave him a shot in the fanny to put him out, and ended up putting an IV in his leg.Doctors came out after a few hours and said everything went well and all looks good. We should have information on the pathology from the biopsy tomorrow sometime.
We have to go back in the morning for a blood draw, but other than that it will be a day of rest.

Last thing Garrett said he remembers before they put him out today was "you (daddy) and me saying it was time to cowboy up". Gotta love it.God Bless,JD

Apr 28, 2008

April 28, 2008

Welcome to springtime in Colorado. We had planned a nice little diversion for a few hours on Saturday. Darren’s mother, stepfather and a few siblings who wanted to meet the boy who has their brother’s heart were scheduled to come down from Cheyenne to visit. They called early and said it was snowing too badly to chance the roads. I looked outside. It was sunny and calm. Are you kidding me? About 30 minutes later I went outside to get something out of the car. The nice, sunny day had changed and a cold north wind blew in. A very cold wind. Y’know, the kind that will suddenly freeze the boogers in your nose? It was brutal for even a few minutes. Within the next few hours, we had more wind, some sun, then windblown snow, then sun. Crazy.

Sunday was a different story, and Darren’s family came down on a beautiful Bluebird day. The visit was emotional and spiritually uplifting. I wish there were a way for me to assuage the anguish they undoubtedly will always feel. I know seeing how healthy Garrett is becoming, helps a lot. They are really wonderful and very outdoor oriented. We’re hoping to plan a fishing or hunting trip together this year. We finished off the day with a special visit from the family of our Godson. One of the most wonderful Christian families ever, and a true source of strength for us. This came just when we needed it.For some reason we have all been experiencing tough dreams lately. Mine replay the sleepless nights of prayerful vigil next to Garrett’s hospital bed. More than once during that time I cried out in a screaming voice that only God and I heard, “Please Jesus, help me! Help me protect my family! Help me to fight this untouchable bastard, death, that keeps clawing at my son and at the hearts of his mother and me!” But I know that to the day, my God has not forsaken me. He keeps putting me in just the right place, at just the right moment in time to hear His voice. The same way some unmistakable, yet unheard voice, told me to push and push until we found out why Garrett was hurting back in February. We have so much to be grateful for, yet these dang thoughts still enter our minds when we’re most vulnerable.

We have spent much of the past few days going over in our minds where we are at, where we’ve come and what we have yet to encounter. The family does a good job of trying to putting up with my mindset, and that is every new challenge is a mission and tactical planning is a must. It’s the only way I can keep from losing it sometimes. We are a team. We survive as a team and take each bump as a team. We take each day as a new victory and try not to think too far down the road, although admittedly, I am the biggest transgressor in that arena. Back in my tactical days, I would always tell my guys to “put on your game face” as we readied for a new mission. This is what we'll have to do soon, as they have moved Garrett’s biopsy surgery up a few weeks to May 6. He doesn't know yet. Nor have we told him that his grandpa was just diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. He’s enjoying his days right now as best he can. The isolation from ‘normal’ he feels weighs heavy enough without adding more to him. Both kids are a little crankier lately. I think the walls are just closing in a little. This 14x16 room gets smaller all the time, but an influx of new families forces us to be more secluded to prevent possible germs being picked up and making Garrett sick. A couple of families who came in were carrying the flu without knowing it.

Don’t forget that your prayers send an energy that we can feel. They are sustaining and help us to fight loneliness. Please hold some prayers for little K.J. who is very sick again, and for a baby in the room next to us who is fighting terminal cancer. These kids and their families are in every room in this place, and they all need our prayers.Until next time, stay safe and God bless you.

JD

Apr 25, 2008

April 25, 2008

Garrett's had a rough night tonight. I think he over did it a little the past few days. He's been feeling really good, and I just let him be a "normal boy", as much as possible. He ran and played, walked the zoo and the airplane museum. Both educational, open and few people. All the right stuff to let us attend. Big outings for any kid, to be sure. But these were really huge for Garrett. By tonight, he was played out. He complained about chest discomfort and his heart rate was a little high, so I decided to just have him settle down the rest of the evening. We played a few more obligatory Xbox baseball games, which he won of course, and called it a night while we watched a documentary story about a WWII B-17, the Memphis Belle. But by 1130pm, he was fussing and fighting in his sleep. He's had a history of this but it has been better since getting his new heart. I'm hoping and praying it is not a sign of something bad. That's always one of the hard parts. When can we separate 'normal' growing pains from something that is dangerous? We almost waited too long last time. It's times like these that make me truly understand and appreciate why they have us stay close to the hospital for several months.His heart rate is great now and after waking a neighbor to get our heating pad back, he was sleeping quietly after about an hour of watching hunting videos with dad. That's sort of a tradition. Over the years when he's had a bad night, and there were many of them, he and I would watch old National Finals Rodeo videos or hunting videos to take his mind off of his pain. If I had a baseball game being played, that would have been in the lead for choice of the evening.

His clinic check up was good today. No big changes to speak of. Another change in medicine to keep trying to balance the cyclosporin levels until next time. That's why we celebrated with a trip to the air museum at Lowry. He really spun his head in that place. It was also very cool to show him planes and equipment that his grandpy had flown in and used, and his uncle, and another couple of friends, and to see a room dedicated to the Air Force Academy where his two cousins are going to school.

Y'know, I visited with a friend the other day and was asked what my plans were going to be for the future with work and play. I don't have that answer right now. Before this all happened, I was in the process of trying to start a very long series of administrative loop holes to get my place properly zoned to sell. I had been planning on another big summer trip with the Pikes Peak Range Riders, one that I always look forward to taking in, and planned on taking care of some external family issues, etc., etc. What I do know for sure, is that I have to put my son and his health, and the whole family's emotional health at the forefront of my decision making process. Safe to say there will be no Range Ride this year, unfortunately. The property issue....well, I just need to keep praying on it. Money's tight, but somehow God will provide. Work....well, work will just have to work out when it does. The Office has been good about giving me the freedom to be with my family during this time. For some reason, it seems more difficult this time around. Not hard from the standpoint of the wait, for we received a heart so soon. But more because there are four of us now who all understand to some degree what the implications can be, living in one room, in a home filled with other families who are dealing with their own tragedies. There are challenges, to be sure. But there are also many, many blessings. I told my friend that right now, I just want to see my little cowboy graduate from high school. It's hard to focus on much more than that. Garrett cried the other day, wanting to go back to church again. For obvious reasons, we have not been attending as the services are typically very packed. We try to make sure we read scripture every day, pray several times a day as a family and try to walk the walk and talk of God all through the day. But those don't give us everything we need. I will find something soon so we all can get fed in His house like we're supposed to.I realize how how weak and fruitless any words of mine can be at times, when I try to convey my sincere appreciation to God for the many blessings he has given me. I know of no other father who has been able to spend this much time with his family over the years. Granted, it has come at a price, but I am lucky just the same. I'm reminded of a statement made by Thomas Paine many, many years ago. He was speaking of America's freedoms, but it can also apply to our situation and many people like us. He said "Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it". Just one more day, every day, IS worth all the fatigue it takes to get there.

Have a blessed weekend.JD

Apr 22, 2008

April 21, 2008

Hi Everyone!Garrett is getting stronger and finally beat 'em at the clinic. He gained a pound!! His blood work is all over the map right now, but it's to be expected because they are changing and weaning him off of many of the medications he had to be on initially. There are no cause for concerns, and he actually looks better than he has yet!We spent some time with my brother and his wife on Saturday. It was like being released, almost. The sunshine and fellowship did more for our spirits than we can express. Great Stuff!A down side to the week was learning that very special friends of ours lost a friend in a tragic work accident. Our hearts and prayers are with them, and I ask you to think of them when you pray, as well. Another friend just learned of a co-worker diagnosed with lung cancer. She is also in need of God's intervention.We don't have to look around much to find someone with a tougher life than ours. We struggle at times with yearning for home and "normal", but praise God every day that we continue to win this fight. There are many around us who are losing.Our little friend "KJ" has been through another round of chemo last week. Garrett and Jessi were concerned to tears because it makes her so very sick. The kids have really been great for each other. The interaction with other kids with issues has been quite a learning experience.Physically, Garrett is doing really well. Emotionally, he is still struggling at times. It's all understandable, though. He just wants to be, as he puts it, "a normal boy" again. I still haven't found the answers to all of his questions. I pray every day for grace and strength to help Garrett, Jessi and Kathy work through their fears. As I was putting this 'blog' site together, I prayed fervently that God will continue to help me find the words to bring Garrett's story to you in a positive light. It is positive, even with the bumps and boggs, because we are living out God's perfect plan....or at least trying to. I hope He looks down favorably as we try to humble ourselves to His gifts and yours, to live with a sense of purpose and discipline and drive on toward the ultimate prize.Until next time, my prayer for you all is that you can feel how your intentions comfort us when we need it most.God Bless you all,
JD

Apr 17, 2008

April 17, 2008

Editors Note: This is a story that JD sent me this morning. Hang on....

I was married on October 3rd, 1998. My father died 5 days later. We found out soon after that we were pregnant with our first child. This was exciting news that would bring joy into a time tainted with sorrow. But this too, would change.

On March 31st of 1999, my wife and I were told fateful news that would forever change our lives. During a routine ultrasound of the baby, the doctors found a problem. Our unborn child had a sick heart. To say we were devastated would be an understatement. Garrett was diagnosed in Utero with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which is a rare but fatal congenital heart defect. The left side of Garrett’s heart did not develop in the womb and doctors gave us, as we saw it, only three choices. We could do nothing, and Garrett would die within days of being born. We could move to another state, where the altitude was better and opt for a long series of intrusive and complicated operations. These operations are aimed at re-routing his existing “plumbing” so that he could probably live, but did not give an opportunity of what we thought would be a fairly normal life. The last, was to pray that a matching donor heart would become available and opt for a heart transplant. Medical intervention would be needed 24 hours a day until the transplant, and Garrett was given only 4-6 months to live without a new heart.

I cannot express the rainbow of emotions we felt. Both of us had always wanted children, and now we were faced with the distinct possibility that our only child may die. To compound our anguish, we realized that another child’s life would be lost in order for Garrett’s to be saved. We prayed so very hard for God to help us find grace and strength to carry us through. We knew that this little life belonged to our Lord, but we begged Him to help us understand His will, and hoped it would be for us to keep our son. We prayed for the unknown donor family, and asked God to give them strength enough to help us. If a child must die, then let him or her not die in vain. In Garrett’s case, if he died we would not be able to donate his organs because he had an existing condition. He’d never be able medically to help another life….or would he?

The Childrens Hospital (TCH) in Denver, we found, is world renowned for their infant heart transplant program. We had never even thought a child could need such a procedure, but learned that TCH had done over 100 transplants in the past 10 years. We were blessed to be so close to the best, but in order to qualify for their stringent program meant we needed to be within a “response” distance from TCH. To do this, Kathy had to quit her job, and we would have to move to Denver. I would commute some 150 miles each day and keep my law enforcement job.

On a Sunday night in April, we were on our way home from church when I was overcome with emotion. I missed my dad terribly, and my baby was critically ill. The tears ran down my face because I could not seem to find peace, still knowing that God would take care of my family. Why couldn’t I give it all to Him? What of my child? What of my new wife? What of my mother, now widowed and alone? What of my animals? How could I possibly afford to keep our property, and yet afford a safe apartment in Denver of all places, on one income? How could I do all of this? I had apparently forgotten Saint Paul’s teachings where he told us to concentrate on the things in Heaven, not the things here on earth. I asked Jesus to forgive me. I had been a cop since 1983, and had been “fixing” other peoples problems in 20 minutes or less for many years. Now I was faced with the toughest fight of my life, and I asked Jesus to teach me how to pray so that I may fully give all my troubles to Him. I could no longer be the warrior. I needed Jesus to carry this fight.

The very next day, Kathy and I headed to Denver to search for an apartment. It was like looking for a specific grain of sand on the beach. We stopped in Colorado Springs and met with a preacher friend for lunch on our way. He is a good friend whom the Lord had blessed into my life a few years ago. Grant prayed with us and asked Jesus to guide us and care for us in our plight. Before the day was done, our prayers were answered with a secure apartment building only 5 miles from the hospital. The apartment rented for about $1200.00 a month, but the building owners had recently entered and agreement with a local charity to help families of children, who are displaced while at TCH. For $300.00 a month, this was to become home for the next year.

While we had found a place to live, I still worried about home. Within a few days, my sister called. She and her husband, who just retired from the Air force, were looking for a place to stay with their four boys while he searched for a new job. They moved into our place just as we moved to Denver. Now mom was taken care of, someone would watch over the home place.

Two months before Garrett was born, he was placed on a national donor waiting list through the Donor Alliance. The call we wanted never came, and Garrett ‘Fritz’ Ross was born on June 8, 1999. That day, my Lord blessed me with a gift I can never repay. I delivered my son, and gave him to his momma. He was beet red, mad as a hornet, …and beautiful. How could this child be sick? He looked too perfect. But within minutes, Garrett began to change. He was taken to a high level critical care unit and started on an I.V. medicine that would help keep him alive while we waited for a heart. Within hours, he was taken by Flight for Life the TCH, and placed in the Newborn Critical Care Unit. Over the next week, he would quit breathing four times. It was the beginning of a long row to hoe.

Garrett spent his first 2 ½ months of life in TCH. This would become a surrogate home for us over much of the next year. The apartment was just a place to change clothes and take a shower. One of us was with Garrett around the clock. Many sleepless nights would be spent and praying at his bedside, napping when we could. During the first few months, he underwent several small surgical procedures and nearly died several times. His color became a pale blue, and his extremities swelled because his little body could not properly rid itself of excess fluid. Breathing a mixture of Oxygen and Nitrogen, he was kept at less than room air because his tiny lungs could not handle the oxygen very well. He literally could drown in his own fluids. We met other wonderful families who were also waiting, and six received hearts while we waited and prayed. Though our call did not come, Jesus was still talking to us. He had brought Garrett back several times when some thought he would die.

When Garrett stabilized well enough to go “home” to the apartment with us, we would still have daily visits from a nurse. They would change his I.V. cassette, which he needed at all times, check all of his vital signs and give him a good ‘once over’. We also had to take him to TCH several times a week for a check up at the Cardiology Clinic. We carried a pager so they could reach us at all times, and we lived very reclusive so as not to expose Garrett to any germs flying around. We never even took an elevator, choosing to take the stairs where the air was better and less confined. Any infection could cause infection and kill him. In addition, the medicine Garrett was on made him very sick and lethargic. His little bones began to ache and the machine malfunctioned several times, sending us into a panic when it stopped, or when backpressure started sucking blood out of his body. Our nerves, bodies and spirits were tested daily.

While we waited and prayed, word reached out about our son. Before long, people from all over the world would be praying for Garrett. Folks from all walks of life and every Christian denomination would gather together spiritually because of this little baby boy. Garrett Fritz Ross was bringing people closer to Jesus. Our Lord was talking to me.

On October 8, 1999, we got a call at 5:30 in the morning. We had a heart! We prayed for the donor family and raced Garrett to the hospital. This was meant to be. It was exactly one year to the day that his granddaddy had died, and it was Garrett’s 4th month birthday. Something good had to come on that day. Unfortunately, we soon learned that the heart was too small for Garrett, and we were sent home, hurting like we have never hurt before. Garrett’s time was running out, and no compatible heart was in sight. Garrett’s heart was failing, and ours were breaking. I didn’t know it then, but God was trying to tell me to listen. He was in control.

By Christmas, Garrett was so sick that he could hardly form a smile. He had no energy, and his little body was wearing out. He was in his sixth month, which was the outside life expectancy given to him when he was born. He’d been through numerous hospital stays and surgeries, coming back from near fatal problems, and yet Garrett refused to quit. I had been gone from the job a lot, but still took a leave from work because I was afraid I might look back and regret not having spent more time with Garrett when I could. I didn’t go back for over a month.

On a late, cold winter night just before the birthday of our Lord, I held Garrett in my lap as I so often do when I get home from work. As I did, I bent over him and I prayed. While he gently ran his little hands over my face, I breathed in deeply, and closed my eyes. I was trying to memorize his sweet aroma and the touch of his tiny hands. I put every one of my senses to work so that if God called him home, I would never forget that feeling. Tears trickled down my face as I willed my love to my son. Even as I write this now, the memory of that night brings tears. I had never wanted anything so much in my life. Only a few hours earlier, Garrett had watched in awe as our little fake Christmas tree blinked with twinkling lights, which cast a glow onto our little Nativity set. As we prepared ourselves to welcome the miracle of Christmas, I prayed for yet another miracle.

By January of 2000, Garrett had survived longer than anyone had expected, but was not likely to live many more days. We were told he was a “record holder”, for living without a new heart, lingering longer than any other child with the same uncorrected condition. It was not a record we cherished. When a doctor told me there was no medical reason for Garrett to still be alive, I told him I knew why. It was the power of prayer, and that our Lord Jesus Christ was the final Physician. The doctor said he had to agree.

In early January, doctors performed two never-before-tried procedures in order to try and buy Garrett more time. Because no donor was in sight, and Garrett had been such a fighter, the medical staff at TCH refused to give up. We knew though, that discussions had taken place of removing him from the waiting list. He was now seen as “high risk” for a transplant. His time was almost gone.

We were faced now with possibly watching him slowly die over the next few weeks with no chance of survival. The surgeries were our only hope at the time, and we knew it. Jesus can perform miracles, we knew, and we prayed for Him to choose the method. It ‘could’ be through a surgeon’s knife, or the heart could just be healed. I longed to have the faith of the Biblical woman who only wanted to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment to be healed. I prayed for faith emulating that of Mary, the mother of our Lord, and Joseph her earthly husband. Surely they had been scared parents, but they chose to follow the will of our God. I needed to fully place my son into our Lord’s hands.

In the first procedure, a tiny coil, called a ‘stent’ was placed in a small vein called a PDA, connecting Garrett’s aorta to his pulmonary arteries. This vein is what the I.V. medicine had been keeping open, but the meds were taking a terrible toll on his body. The stent would permanently hold open this little communication line. The second step was an intrusive procedure where doctors opened Garrett’s chest and banded his pulmonary arteries to reduce the fluid pressures in his lungs. These surgeries were only theories before Garrett, but our backs were in a corner. We had to try something and we agreed to let them, knowing his chances of dying on the table were high.

One of the surgeries, the major one, came on the anniversary of my dad’s own heart surgery some years back. The surgeries were so successful, that now they are doing them on other waiting babies like Garrett, so they may wait in more comfort and with better chances. It was becoming clearer. Part of the plan as I see it, was for Garrett to help other kids. Jesus was still talking to me. We also noticed how Garrett’s vital signs following surgery were steady, until I sang “In The Garden” softly in his ear. At the sound of musical prayer, his levels increased amazingly.

January 27th will never be the same. At 7 ½ months old, Garrett got a heart! We received the long awaited call at 7:30 p.m., and immediately prayed for the donor family. We raced once again to the hospital, and prayed this would not be a false alarm. It wasn’t, and it was also my dad’s birthday. Jesus did not want us to celebrate dad’s death; he wanted us to celebrate dad’s life. The man, whom I’d always hoped would one day hold my child, now shared a name and a birthday of new life with my son. I was finally hearing my Lord. God knew how important dad had been in my life, and that I still needed him. He knew how deeply I loved and needed my son, and would have easily given my own life in place of his. God knew how I needed Him, most of all.

While we waited, alternately praying, pacing, making phone calls, drinking coffee and talking during the long 7-hour surgery, I wrote Garrett a lullaby. I’d sung to him when he was in his momma’s tummy, and he hit the ground loving the sound of a guitar. It often would settle him when nothing else could. The song I wrote for Garrett that night is called “The Littlest Cowboy Lullaby”. A part of the lyrics say, “puppies play in a little boy’s dreams”. A few weeks later, I learned that one of our dogs had puppies. I didn’t even know she was pregnant. Jesus was singing to me now.

I wondered how God could possibly top this. He had seen fit that many dates important in my dad’s life, corresponded with monumental dates in my young son’s life. He led me to a safe place to house my family, and saw to it that mom and the home place were cared for, while giving my sister a place to live. He let the whole family be with dad when he died, something that is quite a feat considering the size of my family. He used my wedding as an opportunity to bring the family together for dad. He used Garrett’s life to help save the lives of other kids, and He opened my heart to let me hear his beautiful voice. At times I was impatient and angry, but God was big enough to handle it. He knew, and I finally accepted, His perfect plan for this moment in time.

There had been so many other miraculous blessings over the past year or so, in which our Lord bestowed such wonderful gifts to us. Now, He topped them all by letting us go home……on the day after Easter! We‘d been told it would not be until June or July, but a sudden call came telling us we could go home, and commute on dry roads when needed.

Our Lord God gave my son new life, then let us start our new life at home on the anniversary of our new life as Christians, celebrating Christ’s resurrection. To make this even sweeter, Garrett received his heart in his 7th month. He was the 7th child to receive a heart while we waited, and there are 7 letters in “Garrett”. 777, God’s perfect number! On top of that, He gave Garrett a heart that bore His name. Garrett’s donor heart came from a beautiful little girl who’s named means “Godlike” or “All Powerful”.

Although Garrett has a long way to go before being “out of the woods”, he is now nearly 11 months old and a wonderful, happy baby boy. Even now I write this from The Childrens Hospital, because Garrett has been re-admitted for a small setback, but should be back home again soon playing with his puppies. Our little Warrior, our little King of Broken Hearts is going to be ok. It doesn’t mean we’ll never fear, or that he’ll never be sick, it just means we trust in our Lord.

Time and space do not allow for me to fully describe all of the events in this story. We always tried to maintain a positive outlook, making each day a victory. There were, however, some very challenging times such as the very many sleepless nights in vigil at a hospital bedside; the incredible fatigue and despair; staring at a pager and praying for it to go off, then having it go off several times with wrong numbers; the panic when his breathing stopped or he became unresponsive; hoping for what most parents dread…….a tantrum, to show us he still had fight left; handing our son over for surgery many times, not knowing if he would come back; sleeping in a chair next to his hospital bed so Garrett would never have to be alone; holding a crying child who wanted to eat, but would throw up anything fed to him; comforting a crying wife as she watched her baby suffer; wiping Garrett’s tears because he knew too much of pain, needles, drain tubes and machines…….but yet, he also knew love. I can’t begin tell you the love and anguish we feel for the donor family. Our prayers for them will never cease.

As father’s day approaches, I contemplate the importance of my dad’s life on my own, and how I pray that one day Garrett will love me as much as I love his grandpa. I think of how through Garrett’s illness, God let me spend more time with my son than most fathers ever will at this age. I reflect on how our Lord has given me a wonderful relationship with my father-in-law, who cannot replace my dad, but can be a friend to pray with, talk to, work with, learn from and love. I wonder about the little child I never knew, and how I feel like a part of her belongs to us and is now in Heaven, and how a part of her lives on in Garrett. Mostly, I think of how the most important Father of all has shown me His incredible love time and time again. I know how immense the love is I have for my only son, and how I fought to save him the only way I could. Then I think of how our God, whose love is perfect, let His only son die in order to save me. I am truly rewarded to be given such an opportunity to testify to the Majesty and Power of our Lord God.

J.D. Ross
June, 1999

Apr 16, 2008

April 15, 2008

Hi everyone,

What a week we’ve had! Garrett got a very special treat on Saturday that he won’t ever forget. His transplant team decided to let us bring him home for just a few hours so he could attend the opening day ceremonies for the High Plains Little League. If you recall, Garrett had just completed tryouts only days before we found out he was so sick and needed a new heart. They also decided to put off his biopsy for several weeks to let him get mentally ready for it. He needed that.

To honor Garrett, the little league invited him to throw out the 1st ball to start the season. All of the teams were there, about 20 different baseball teams. They all lined the edge of the outfield while the league president gave a very nice introduction about Garrett and his journey. Then Garrett was brought out and he threw out the 1st ball of the year. His team then rallied around him at the mound and cheered for him. It was a very emotional and wonderful ceremony. I took some pictures, but honestly had trouble seeing through the lens. They also surprised all of us by displaying Garrett’s initials on every jersey this year, and all the players and coaches signed a bat for Garrett. He was told by the league president to pull out the bat when he was lonely and missing home, so he could see how many folks were pulling for him.

The day was really cold. We almost didn't try it, but knew we could keep him warm and sequestered in the car most of the time, and he really needed a morale boost. Garrett was only able to stay out for a very short while and really couldn’t interact with the other kids much, but he was very humbled by the whole event. After that, we took him home for a short visit to see his animals. Within a few minutes, he went back to his bedroom and cried. It hit him pretty hard, because he knew he had to go back up near the hospital and couldn’t stay home. I think it gave him a little glimpse though, that we will be home for good at some point.

We were brought back to reality on Monday when we learned another 2x transplant boy had pneumonia. We’re glad we have been so lucky and we pray for the other little one, but it reminds us loudly why we have to take it slow and be ultra-cautious about germs and infections. I tried to talk them (the hospital staff) into letting us go home in May. It was worth a try, but it’s a no-go. His weight is still a little off, and some of his blood work needs tweaking, but he feels good most of the time. He’s healing well with only a little scab left on his big scar.

There have been so many people doing wonderful things to help us. Sometimes it hard to believe we’ve come this far so soon. We will never be able to thank everyone for all they do. Events like the one described above do so much for Garrett’s morale. He needs his emotional strength to help his little body keep healing, and all of the prayers and kindness help more than I can ever explain. The emotional toll takes a lot from each of us, but your love and friendship give us renewed strength. We continue to pray for you all, just as your prayers are holding us up. God’s goodness cannot be fully described.

In Him,

JD

J.D. Ross"Evil Prospers When Good Folks Do Nothing"

Apr 15, 2008

April 9, 2008

I was recently asked what I do to stay faithful to God. It took me two pages to say what I could have said in a couple of short, fragmented sentences. My family. He entrusted them to me, and I believe His promises. They need me here on earth, and I need them to get to heaven. The kids are why we get out of bed everyday, isn’t it? We owe it to them to try and leave them some kind of a decent world to raise their kids. The great thing is that they have poor memories of the many times I fail them.

Garrett’s hospital visit went well. Still hoping for some weight gain, but it’ll come. We’re adjusting his medicines again because his cyclosporine is all out of whack, but the heart still runs great! They are good problems to have, really. His body was so used to running with a sick heart and now that he has a great heart we have to let his body get in tuned in just right.

We met a little girl here the other day. She is an absolutely beautiful child who has quickly captured my heart and has made all the difference in the world to Garrett and Jessi. They now have a friend they can play with. They can play with K.J., because she also has a suppressed immune system. K.J. has a very aggressive cancer. K.J. is 7 years old.

K.J.’s mom told me that she didn’t want to go back to school anymore because some of the kids made fun of her for losing her hair. Wait until she grows back a beautiful mane of golden hair and their still stuck with their baby hair. It reminded me of a few kids at Garrett’s school who made fun of him for having a “girl’s” heart, when they found out about Megan. Kids can be cruel, but payback can be fantastic and colossal. Wait until they try him out now…….with a 15 year old boy’s heart! They couldn’t keep up with him before.

Today, Jessi had to be sequestered in the room because she woke up with a little cough and a runny nose. The weather was not conducive to trying to take her home for a few days and she wasn’t feeling bad or running a fever. To be on the safe side though, we have to keep her away for 24 hours to make sure she doesn’t develop a fever and doesn’t have something contagious. I think it’s just dry sinuses, but we can’t take the chance, and it’s not fair to chance K.J. getting something.

Jessi had to sit in the room with daddy and wear a mask while the other kids got to go play and watch a movie. This whole ordeal has been tough on her, but she just doesn’t complain. She is remarkably amicable and understanding. But today, it hurt. I’m sure she felt punished. She didn’t make a sound as tears rolled down her face. I didn’t let her see mine.

Please pray for little K.J. She starts another round of chemo on Monday and it’s going to be a tough one.

God bless you,

JD

April 6, 2008

Happy 5 weeks! Can you believe it? Five weeks ago yesterday Garrett got a new lease on life and he’s making the most of it, at least as much as he can. His discomfort from the surgery is minimal now, much to our relief. Even the nightmares are fewer. The kids were playing in the ‘fun room’ here at the Ronald McDonald house their laughs could be heard throughout the building. Great stuff.

Garrett had a big last few days. He got to meet Billy Thompson from the 1977 Bronco’s Super Bowl team, and “Miles” the mascot. Miles kinda took a shine to momma and about got a knot snapped on his butt. Horseface! Mr. Thompson, though, was very nice to the kids and talked football and baseball with Garrett for quite a while.

Today’s clinic visit at the hospital was pretty uneventful. We’re still wishing he’d start gaining more weight back, but at least he’s not losing a lot. A new medicine they have him on to help fight thrush is raising his cyclosporine levels, which works with a few others to fight possible rejection. So they have to move up some here and down some there. It’s really a giant balancing act to make sure the lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell) will accept his heart while still helping to protect him from invading organisms that can cause harm. All the while it’s giving his body the best opportunity to heal and grow. There’s really not enough time or room to explain it all, and I’m not sure I really understand it anyway, but suffice to say it’s all necessary to carry on the mission.

Our days are starting to blend together now and the Ronald McDonald house is getting smaller all the time. We try to get some ‘normal’ activities in, but they are often interrupted with moments of yearning for home. That is usually manifested in somebody having a 13 year old spoiled girl fit. Mostly me. The kids are doing their best to adapt and mom and dad are doing our best to remind them that we can’t control circumstances, only our response to them. They handle it better than we do. We honestly are trying to pray often, reflect and to hope our devotion to God will be pleasing to Him. There is a flight for life helecopter that comes and goes frequently nearby. Each time it flies, we all pray for the pilot, crew and whoever it is they're flying to help. The kids are great at stopping everything to pray when we hear it. Although we don’t understand why we're in this chapter of our journey, we do know that we are exactly where He needs us to be right now. It's more of a blessing than I can explain to be able to be here with my family.

May God bless and keep you all.

JD

April 3, 2008

They say there’s no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole. That may be true, but I can tell you that when you get out of that hole and reach another objective under fire, it’s time to sing His praises even more.

We got great news today. First of all, I know several of you have been worried about Garrett’s upcoming biopsy. After his check up today, I pinned the transplant coordinator down and encouraged a no B.S. reading on what is happening. Garrett is in good shape. His weight is ok, although they want to see him gain more, he has not lost any more. His blood work is a little bit off again, but it’s a balancing act. His heart looks fantastic and going strong. He has good energy and even got scolded today for playing too hard J

The biopsy is necessary to take a look at everything. Because of his history of issues within the first year or so of his first transplant and the sudden deterioration prompting the need for the new heart, they want to stay on top of it. They are putting it out another month so we can have a certain doctor do the surgery. He’ll have to have another at six months and again at one year post transplant. They are not without risks and will be stressful, we are with them in agreement.

The great news is that if he continues to progress as he has, we’ll be home in June!! It’s a double edged sword, because it also means that he’ll be weaned off of most of the drugs he’s on right now that give him some protection, and that will leave his immune system even more at risk. But, his body will be stronger and since home is where it is, the chances of contacting a lot of outside people will be minimized. Just knowing we’re just two months or so from possibly being home is incredible news!!!! We're not cashing that check until it clears, but I have a good feeling about it. He's shown time and agian that he has no quit in him anywhere!

I need to share one other thing I heard today from a good friend who is a helicopter pilot with the Pennsylvania State Police. His wife got a premonition today that Garrett is “a one hundred year old soul, and a warrior who will be around for many, many years”. I think God speaks to a lot of people in a lot of different ways, and it’s neat to hear something like that from someone so far away.

We cherish the friendships and genuine loving concern from so many. We’ve even heard from folks we’ve never met from all across the US and outside the country. Garrett and Jessi even got a gift this week from some troops in Iraq. So our prayers tonight in part, are for the men and women so far away from home who lay it all on the line each day, protecting the freedoms we often take for granted.

Everyone is better today after hearing the news of hopefully coming home before summer’s out. There is more good news to come. I believe it with every breath. It don’t mean we won’t have an off day here and there, but the littlest Cowboy has a warrior’s heart and many gifts to brag about for years to come.

God Bless you all,
JD

April 1, 2008

Well, I guess I knew it was coming and I guess April fools day is as good as any for it to arrive. The strain of being away from home and the depth of whole situation finally hit with a vengeance tonight, striking Kathy and the kids pretty hard. We see other families here going home every day. Most are only here for a few days, and unfortunately we feel a little envious of them. But the last grain that tore the sack was a call from the transplant team that Garrett has to have another biopsy surgery soon. They told us this is necessary, because it’s the only way to know for sure that everything is on track. This is, after all, how they found out he was so sick just a month ago. But for me, the thought of having to lay him down on a table again is weighing pretty heavy, and he’s naturally very scared. This will be surgical procedure #20 since he was born.

Kathy and Jessi headed home this evening to pick up a few things and get a night away. She’s been extremely strong but after seeing kids playing ball on nearby diamonds, walking in to a quiet home, having the dogs run up asking where the heck we've been, seeing toys and family photos and beds not slept in, it struck a chord. Any mother can tell you that the connection with their babies is unlike any other relationship known to man. Having to watch her children suffer gets to be quite a load at times. Jessi, too, overheard the phone call. She went off into a corner and tried to hide under her arms. I just can’t imagine what is going through her little mind. She is so very precious and perceptive well beyond her years. All she really knows is that a month ago she was ripped from her home and all of her critter comforts and forced to wear her brother’s skivvies until we could get to the store and find some more suitable for a little girl.

The fear the pending surgery knocked Garrett down a notch this evening. He started crying and said he wanted to go home. He curled up on my lap, buried his head in my shoulder and said “daddy, why can’t we just go home? I don’t want any more needles. I don’t want to go in the hospital again. I just wanna go home and be normal again. God, how I want that for him. By eleven tonight he was really restless and upset again thinking about the biopsy. Sleep wasn’t an option at that time, so I just put him in a warm tub. It always relaxes him. He wanted to play with his baseball guys while he soaked, but had a heck of a time finding 9 toys who had all their arms and legs. He settled for three baseball players, two cowboys and one Luke Skywalker. It must’ve been one heck of a game.

I know I have asked for so much from you all, and your prayers…all of our prayers together, are singing praises to His merciful love. Please ask God to give Kathy and the kids strength, hope and faith in knowing He is carrying us all. There are many folks in this ol’ world who need your prayers, and we are honored to be among them. We know their not wasted petitions. They work, and we want you to know we won’t let you down.
In my career, I’ve been fixing other peoples problems in 30 minutes or less for over twenty years. But I know when I’m out matched. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? (Psalms 56:3-4)
This mission isn’t over yet. We’ve breached the door and made it into the main hallway, but still have a whole building to clear and bandits to defeat before we rest. But tomorrow is a new day, and we’ll put on our armor of God and fight the good fight.
Be blessed as I am blessed. I am praying for all of you. Good night.
JD

March 31, 2008

Today we woke to a nice covering of snow on the ground. Or I guess I should say that the rest of them woke to snow on the ground. I was up since 2am because I slept with little Sir Kicksalot, and he was having dreams again. I felt like a heavy bag in a dojo.

Garrett had a pretty good check up today. He’s lost another pound, but his blood work looks much better. His blood pressure was perfect and his cyclosporine levels are right where they should be! The doctors said he’s probably been playing too hard, and it has caused some inflammation at the incision site. He has a bump on the left side of his breast plate, but they said it should go away with time. Now that we seem to have his blood levels about right, he should start showing gains in other areas too.

He’s been a real trooper most of the time, but gets a little down once in a while, missing home, not being able to play like he wants to and being cooped up. It’s hard to explain to his 8 year old mind that in six months this will all be a memory and he’ll be well on his way to living “normally” again. What amazes me is how he and his little sister are getting along so great. It makes this whole ordeal much easier to handle.

Today their “spring break” officially ended and school began. We’ve never homeschooled before, and it’s a learning experience for all of us. The carrot on the end of the stick today was getting to watch the Rockies’ opener if they got their work done. Then the darned game got rained out! Oh, well. That’s baseball.

For the hunters in the group, you might want to pick up a copy of the Jan-Feb 2008 Eastman’s Bowhunting Journal. There is an article about Hal Jansen and a moose he took in Wyoming last year. Hal is Garrett’s donor’s step dad. Garrett has dog eared all the pages and wants to go moose hunting now.

Anyway, we continue to be blessed as each brings triumph and more hope, and we’re grateful for all of your prayers. As it says in Thessalonians, “We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers”.

God Bless,JD

March 29, 2008

Garrett’s had a couple of really good days, praise God! His energy level is up and his appetite is back again. Hopefully Monday will bring great news of positive changes in his bloodwork. We also moved again a couple of days ago, this time to a 3rd floor corner room. We now have two windows at the southwest corner of the building. More sunlight means better attitudes for all, and an extra biscuit on the plate is the windowed sitting area just outside the room. This makes a great place for the kids to study, read or just hang out. I promise you though, this is the last move we make for a while. This is the 8th place I’ve laid my head in the past month. I'm starting to feel like we’re in a witness protection program.Visits from exceptional friends and family have brought a few much needed interruptions and the kids got some cool gifts. Because spring break in the area and the temporary released thousands of local curtain climbers, we limited any “field trips” this week and there are only so many new discoveries to be found in the Ronald McDonald house. So these visits were times perfectly.

As an aside, I sometimes find myself with some reservations when I begin to type another update about Garrett and our lives right now. So many of you have been incredibly kind, generous and spiritually uplifting for us. The genuine concern and interest in how the journey continues is almost surreal, and we want to share the story and the miracles surrounding this fantastic experience. But if I seem as guarded at times, I am just trying to find a balance with what everyone should know while still protecting the privacy of my family.

What we have, with our challenges, is special. It is what it is, and there is nothing you or we can do to change that, except to pray that God will continue to shine on this special boy and use him and us to promote His perfect plan. We want the kids to know that all of these gifts… the sacrifice, the joys, the fears and exhilaration, are all part of seeking a closer and more personal relationship with Christ. We have been given much, and we want to honor Him by the way we handle each day, though I at least, fall short. Thanks for your understanding, and all that you do to help us each step of the way.

God Bless each of you.

JD

March 28, 2008

Blessings, all! Garrett had a good day today, but the nightmares continue. Just as I started to write this, he had another. At the hospital today, his xplant nurse said Garrett’s nightmare issues were discussed in staff. There are no medications that should be doing this right now. The assessment is that his 8 year old mind has simply had a dump truck load of stuff thrown at him in a very short time, and it is will take time to shake. With time, love, patience and prayer, these will subside. He really doesn't’t like to go to bed right now because he doesn't want the bad dreams. When that happens, we hand it over to Jesus and I try to get his mind on something fun. So we have a drill we do where I will run baseball defensive scenarios past him. ie: runner on 2nd, one out, ball hit hard on the ground to deep 3rd side of shortstop. What do you do? He’s pretty good and quickly making a decision and executing his plan. Is there anything a good baseball game can’t fix???

It’s neat to watch how Garrett’s mind works to free him from his worries when he has bad dreams. In his childlike way, he wants to say a short prayer, then talk about baseball and soon enough he is able to go back to sleep. As adults, we seem to want to figure out what the dreams are and try to fix the problem ourselves. Saint Thomas once wrote “Only an adult who has lost the clear vision of childhood begins to think of his acts, and of himself, as self-sufficient…” I too become so infatuated with my own self-reliance, that I often see less of anything, especially God who can make all things right. I can’t fix it! I can only be a tool for the Master’s craftsmanship. If I would do more like Garrett and simply turn it over to Him, let it go, and then go have fun, the bad stuff would go away sooner.

His clinic check up today was pretty good. He gained a pound back, but his blood pressure is up and his anti-rejection levels in his blood, are down. They don’t seem overly concerned, but warned to watch how he feels and keep him as healthy as possible. To that end, we stay pretty isolated from folks most of the time and are limiting the number and length of visits for right now. We had someone come up the other day for a short visit and they woke up sick the next morning. There’s no way they could have seen it coming, but that is why we are so very cautious right now. By the Grace of God, Garrett didn't get the bug. So if you do come up, please be sure you haven’t been around anyone who is sick, even if you feel well. We just can’t take extra chances right now.
Our Little Cowboy is still spurring tough, though. Yesterday he said he wants to ride his horse and told me also, “Daddy, I just want to swing a bat again”. He will…….hopefully sooner than we all might think. He said his prayers tonight again remembering those most important to him. Among them were Darren, Megan, his Grampy that he never met, the little boy who is so very sick, a little girl who was just diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma on her spinal cord, and for his animals he misses so much. What a reunion it will be when the critters see him coming sometime this summer!

And of course, we always pray for you all, Ever thankful for the constant support and friendship. As the knees on your britches wear thin, his heart gets better each day. Believe it.......I do. We saw a family today who just lost their child. You don't have to look far to see someone with real problems and broken hearts. I'd ask for you to remember them in your intentions. I don't know them, but their world shattered today.

God Bless you,
JD

March 27, 2008

As you know, Garrett is doing well and we're hoping it will continue. His nightmares and evening discomfort still makes it tough for him to sleep, and he's really missing home right now. I finally had to admit that the stress was begining to built in me, so I started working out again. I thought I'd take you all along with me on a nice leisurely jog I took.I went for a well needed run through some kind of urban amateur arts n graphics gathering spot just down from where we are living. There was a nice cornucopia of mixed gang graffiti in that stretch, along with all the typical twisted urban youth peelings……y’know, cig butts, hypodermic needles, discarded do rags, love peelings from some past romantic interludes, empty bottles of a foty, clothing, more bottles, backpacks that had been ransacked and discarded, human waste collection sites, and of course the always present evidence of higher learning and health food addictions………..nudie magazines and junk food wrappers. Much of the tagging itself told quite a story. In one such case, it seems that Flaco and Puro are having a dispute, and quite proud of their respective neighborhoods being West Side and East Side, respectively. Though both quite humbly (yah, right) spew their own loyalties to Sur XIII. It also seems evident that someone who frequented this nature walk has very little love for the Inca Boyz.

I then jogged on past the creek flowing with grayish goo as discarded soft drink cups bobbed effortlessly along. A quarter mile away, past a few stripped bikes, the obligatory tire or two, a crusted blob of what once was a sleeping bag and a mine field of broken bottles, I headed north behind some businesses. Ahhh….here’s what I was looking for. A nice jog through some regurgitated dumpster seepage, back around behind the hut that appears to be a reluctant graveyard of tagged. damaged and dumped news paper machines, past a "do not enter" sign marked proudly on the back by some nice young child whose initials must be L K ,and then on through the upper parking lot of a medical center that seemed all too common, short one low rider pickup with it's windshield smashed and tires slashed.

After about a mile or so of this exquisite safari, and having yet to come face to face with even a small herd of the local wildlife known scientifically as thugalorus gangstastupidus, I decided to re-route my final leg as I realized suddenly and embarrassingly, that I had failed to purchase a single “Urban Terrorist Hunting License”, and thus did not want to get caught poaching.
We live in such a fun neighborhood.
Hope you're all well.
JD

March 24, 2008

Garrett had a good weekend, with all of us rejoicing in an extra exciting Easter. We had some very special friends drop in for a visit, got to go to church right here in the room, and the Easter Bunny still found us all the way up here. Jessi was especially excited to find some cotton from his tail that had apparently shed off during his nocturnal visit. Pretty cool! They even had an Easter egg hunt during a rare venture away from the Ronald McDonald house. Their laughter will never win a Grammy, but I’ve never heard a more beautiful sound.

Monday’s return to reality came in the form of another clinic visit/check up. Garrett has lost a little more weight, but is still only a few pounds lighter than before his transplant. The transplant team is not overly concerned as long as he does not continue to lose weight. Everything else looks really good though, and we stay cautiously optimistic. His energy level remains excellent, and sometimes he even gets a little impatient that he can’t run and play hard yet. All good signs that he’s not spending much time looking back.

Tonight at bedtime though, Garrett was asking me about heaven. He asked so many questions I just don’t have the answers to. I searched my heart to find comforting words for him. Little boys and girls just shouldn’t have to think about death and what comes after. He gets a little scared sometimes and I see some of the same fears in his momma and sister, even as I try to hide my own. Daddy is supposed to be the tough one, and I wish I could take all of their uncertainties about the future and sweep them into my shirt pocket to carry for them. He is such a tough little cowboy.

I’m so grateful to all of you who continue to pray for and send notes to him. The other day, one of Garrett’s little friends from home brought him a box full of money he’d collected at his dad’s restaurant. This little guy sat all evening by this box and asked customers to help Garrett. Garrett was so excited to see his buddy, and the boys really had a time playing video games together. Things like that, and the little girl who gave her only penny to Garrett….. The little ones continue to lead the way for us.

Keep the prayers coming when you can. We can feel them and they are working.

Blessings to you all,
JD

March 22, 2008

The past few days have been eventful. Garrett has been feeling better, and pushed himself a little too hard. He was playing outside when he tripped and fell on his chest. This caused us a great deal of concern, and scared Garrett quite a bit. He cried for quite a while because it hurt so bad. They had split him stem to stern and it’s far from healed. He was lucky though, because he was carrying his large stuffed tiger he calls “Darren”, and instead of hitting the concrete, he landed on Darren. That sure dampened the impact and nothing was moved or displaced. Thank God!

We had quite a few visitors on Saturday, and while it was great to see everyone, it plum wore him out. Darren’s mother got to listen to Garrett’s heart today. It brought tears of joy mixed with sorrow, but it was a beautiful moment. He has kind of a big day scheduled tomorrow too, being Easter, with visits, Mass (in the room) and an egg hunt later. It’s so much fun to see him laughing and playing. He won’t act like a kid who just got a heart transplant. We have to rein him in and help him keep a balance so he won’t get into problems and end up back in the hospital. That’s a good problem to have.

We’ve made it three weeks now, and on the anniversary of the reason we believe. While it seems I’ve ridden this trail in another time, there are stark differences becoming apparent to me. I don’t know if it is maturity or lack there of, but something in my character has been deeply marked this time through.

I, like a lot of men, have spent many years trying to find what great thing I was supposed to do. Like Garrett, I lived for baseball in my early years. Since then I rode many horses and had nearly as many shed me like rain. I have been in many engagements throughout my career, caught many bandits and helped catch many more. From my current vantage point, it appears likely that I will never reach the pinnacle of professional rodeo, catch a major league game, lead a daring raid such as the Texas 7 or catch a nationally known serial killer. I’m not smart enough to secure the nation’s peace or be eloquent enough to calm civil disobedience to the point where they are buying each other beers after the rally. While there are always possibilities that exist, I know as I reach the waning years of my career, those opportunities become more and more a tale to be told later in life by a younger, more invigorated warrior.

What I have come to realize is that I have tried to learn from the best, to show the way with principle centered leadership, to nod my head for 1st each time, and to treat my horses with the caring and respect a good animal deserves. I’ve learned to treat each man with the dignity he deserves, and to act tactically and decisively upon those who must be removed. I have learned to lead from the front, guide with an iron fist and velvet glove, to see each person in my charge as an individual with families, dreams, fears and goals of their own. Most importantly, I have stood tall and straight in a sea of blue while a flag draped coffin rolled by….and from the lessons of those fallen heroes, I have learned to truly respect and love the people and very God given right that I stand to defend, and I proudly represent the very system that stands to take that same freedom away from those who endanger it for others. But any man who shows a divine spark in his eyes, be him civilian, bandit or warrior, deserves reasonable opportunities to show his Maker that he can live for others and not himself.

What is quite clear to me, is that there are none in our midst who more openly present this fine quality more freely than a child. Unabashed, clean and pure. The essence of innocence and the model of unconditionally loyalty and love. Now as the world shares in awe, the majesty of new birth and freedom found only through the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I am reminded of St. Mark’s words in Chapter 10. Here he quoted our Lord, who said “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.”

In this current journey of ours, a child made an unselfish decision two years ago. Three weeks ago, he honored his promise another child, Garrett, received the gift of new life.

I will continue to pursue bad bandits, good horses and pick-up ball games, but my priorities are now clear. I will do what I can to ensure these little ones have a world to grow up in that is not dirtied by what we have done. “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were put around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.”

Whatever future role I will play as a leader in my field for the next untold years, none will carry a greater responsibility than the one I will play as “daddy”, and I promise you all here that I will not cease to follow them in my heart, as I lead them from in front. I am hoping that being good at one will help me become better at the other. Victory in either case is the only option.

Wishing you all a very happy and most blessed Easter!

JD

March 19, 2008

As I started thinking about what I could jot down for an update this evening, I got a phone call from one of my best friends. His call put everything in perspective tonight. So before we get to ‘how the Rosses are doin’, I’d like to ask each of you in your own way to offer prayers for this man, his team and his family. He is a Homicide Sergeant at a large police agency here in Colorado. He lost his brother in the line of duty two years ago. A second officer from that agency was also shot and killed later that same year. I knew them both, and they were both fine young cops, dying on streets they swore to protect. Tonight, my friend called me from another violent scene, asking for prayers. His own sister’s best friend and maid of honor was murdered today. His job is to seek the truth in the jumble of broken bodies.
Folks, this family has been through the ringer. Through all the heart ache that will never fully go away, they were one of the first to step up and offer to help me and my family with our challenges and have been there for us every single day. This good man was also there for me 8 years ago when Garrett had his first transplant. Please find it in your heart to ask our loving God to hold them now. This most recent act of cowardice will once again shake this loving and considerate family and the police department to it’s core, as the victim is the sister of another officer. They need to feel Christ loving them and guiding them. Pray also for the officers who must investigate this scene and try to find answers. Psalm 5:12 For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O LORD, You surround him with favor as with a shield. I ask, oh Lord God, to send Saint Michael to their sides, to shield them with the armor of Your righteousness and strength so they might seek clearly the path to truth and fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. I would also ask you all to pray for the family and soul of a dear lady who worked with me in Narcotics when Garrett received his 1st heart. She lost a tough battle with cancer this week. She was very concerned and kind to me during those difficult times.
As for the Rosses, we have now spent 24 hours in our new digs. The brand new Ronald McDonald house in Aurora is where we will hang our hats for a while. The place is not home, but is a very nice, clean and quiet atmosphere. The building is about 5 minutes from The Children’s Hospital and offers free shuttle service for appointments. It is huge, about 40,000 square feet with private rooms for about 40 families. So far only about 10 families have moved in, which leaves a lot of space for those of us here.

There are several kitchens, laundry facilities and multiple nooks and crannies where you can read a book, pray or just relax. It is a secure and staffed facility with tremendous employees and volunteers who readily understand the stresses of families uprooted from home to be with a sick child. Kathy and the kids love it. There is a large play room and a “Bronco Room” where a professional athlete is scheduled to come in once in a while and read to the kids well enough to attend. Jessi and Garrett have already become quite tickled with one of the main coordinators. She seems equally enamored by them, and goes out of her way to make sure the kids are having a good time. The other families have similar situations so no one with even a cold or cough is allowed to be here. That gives us great comfort in the face of Garrett’s severely compromised immune system.

In all, we are finding victory in each passing day. It’s hard to feel bad about our situation in light of the tragedies such as what was just described. If I could, I’d be there for them right now. I am, …in prayer. I have my family, resting safe in a clean and secure facility and close to the hospital. Things just aren’t so bad.

Tomorrow is another transplant clinic visit to check on Garrett’s healing heart. I expect to find that he is continuing to mend well. Other than the night time issues of comfort and nightmares, Garrett seems to be doing great and handling the quantities of medications well.

I hope this finds you all as secure in your own lives, counting His endless blessings and praising His name. John Quincy Adams once said "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." These are words we try to live by right now.

God Bless you all and thank you for all you do, for us, and for them.

In Him,

JD

March 17, 2008

Hope. Tonight, I just hope Garrett sleeps better. I just got back from a run to the store to get some cough medicine. He’s been having a slight cough, probably from the dry air in the room plus reaction to one of the other medicines he has to take, but it makes resting difficult. Generally, I think of hope a different way.

Trust, anticipation, faith, dream, chance….choose any of those and they all are fitting descriptions of how we feel when Kathy and I talk about hope. We have so much hope for the future. For Garrett, for Jessi and for all of our family. We trust in God’s goodness with great anticipation of more good things to come. We try to use ‘faith’ as a challenging, yet remarkable journey and not simply a link word in conversation. We dream about Garrett and Jessi continuing to thrive as he heals and they serve a higher purpose for many years to come. We’re grateful for the many extra chances we’ve gotten over the years, through Garrett’s 1st heart transplant and 19 surgeries, and Jessi’s pre-mature birth. How many parents get that many chances? We are so blessed.

Today Garrett had another tune-up at the hospital. They said he is still on-track and they feel good about his progress. We also got notified that the Ronald McDonald House has room for us and we anticipate being able to move in on Tuesday. It should be a really good set up for us. The staff has also talked to me about possibly giving safety seminars to other families at the home.

Things are still going well and though we know we have many trails yet to travel, we remain confident. We’re taking what precautions we must and making decisions that we believe will give Garrett the best chance at a full recovery, and get us all home as soon as possible.

FYI - The Cody Wyoming paper, the town where Darren (Garrett’s donor) came from, ran an article today about Garrett and Darren. You can view the article by entering the following link on the internet. This is an astonishing tale and we’re reluctantly honored to play a part.

http://www.codyenterprise.com/articles/2008/03/17/news/news1.txt

May God continue to keep you all safe.

JD and family.

March 15, 2008

Hey everyone. Thought we’d drop a quick note of update on “Dinger”. Last couple of days have been good, although I’d be lying if I said we love hibernating in a small hotel room. We do go out for walks and Garrett is getting stronger all the time. He had a really neat experience the other day, when he got to meet Dave Veres, a pitcher with the Rockies. Dave was very down to earth and helped Garrett appreciate his situation because Dave is on injured reserve right now.

The days all seem to run together. Kathy and I were discussing this morning how we were surprised that “so and so” hasn’t contacted us. Later, as I was going through old emails to help document the timeline of all of this, I found an email from that person the day after Garrett received his new heart. More surprising was the fact that I had written a fairly lengthy response. What little goo I have working between my ears seems to have gelled too much.

Garrett had kind of a tough night Friday. It might be because he had a full day, but he was pretty uncomfortable again, and had nightmares throughout the night. We don’t know exactly what he is dreaming about, and he doesn’t remember. All I know is that the dreams are disturbing and he wakes up whimpering. I don’t think he really fell asleep until after 0430.

Today he is feeling pretty good. We woke to a gentle fog, an inch of snow and absolute quiet. It was beautiful. We’re kicking out the girls to go be girls for a day. Jessi wants to go to the Colorado Horse Expo for a few hours and Garrett and I are going to hang, go for a walk and just enjoy man stuff.

I recently heard that the most precious word in our vocabulary is “truth”. Not “love”, as some might expect. I tend to agree, because true love cannot exist without “truth”. Jesus told us “I am the way, the truth and the life”. Everything that happens to us is ‘truth’. How we tend to recall that, may challenge the value of the information. Leave it to adults to screw up such a great word by putting in our own interpretation of the facts. But when you look into the eyes of a scared child, you see genuine ‘truth’. When the heart of that child loves, you feel the pure ‘truth’. When you realize it all comes from Him, it sure makes you willing to fight any fight to protect it.

Stay safe and stay in touch.

God Bless you all……..

JD

March 13, 2008

Yesterday included a magical moment. The father of Darren, the wonderful boy who gave his heart to Garrett, was in town briefly and called. Garrett has been asking so much about Darren, he wanted the chance to meet Darren's dad. We got that opportunity during a brief encounter, and Darren's dad was able to feel Garrett's heart beating strong and proud. It was very emotional and beautiful. Darren's family are quite special. We were able to see many photos of Darren, and Garrett came away with a new love, understanding and respect for his unselfish heart brother. His prayers last night were again for Darren and Megan.

Today's clinic report was great! Garrett's levels are right where they should be, and physically the physicians say that he is ahead of schedule. He continues to amaze the hospital staff at his resiliency and fight. In Garrett's class at school, each child has written "their" saying. Garrett listed two..."Cowboy Up" and "Bring It On".

Following about 3 hours of tests, echo's, EKGs, pokes, prods and blood tests, Garrett got to see his old heart. This was something I wanted to see just to help me understand further what went wrong. Garrett wanted to see it, too. Mommy declined.

The pathology reports and slides took my breath. I did not really completely understand just how bad it was until we saw everything. If you take a drinking straw and squish it between your fingers and try to take a sip, you'll have an idea of how little blood Garrett was getting. The walls of the "good" artery were so thick, they almost touches sides. Garrett got to hold his heart (not something you get to do every day) and he even let his sister hold it. The pathology doctor was also great at explaining to them how the physical heart works and what no longer worked in Garrett's case, causing the need for his brand new heart, which by the way, looks fantastic on the Echo monitor. What power!

I think seeing it helped them both understand why he got sick, that he is better now, and that the physical heart is just tissue that can be replaced. The heart we love with is permanent. This is where we feel the love of the person who gave us the heart, and are able to love others in return.

In yet another example of how great God's works prove to be, the doctors explained to us today that during Garrett's 1st transplant, they had to cut all the nerves around his heart. They shouldn't have regenerated and he shouldn't have felt any pain. The difference is that they did regenerate and they did send him a signal that he was hurt. That is why we kept trying to find out what was wrong. That is also why no one expected a heart problem, because his heart shouldn't have hurt. But it did! If not for those nerves regenerating and him feeling the pain, he likely would have just dropped at some point soon, and we would have never known there was a problem.

Tell me what is impossible with God?!?

If anyone out there questions the goodness of our Lord, or the presence of our Creator, feel free to give me a call. We need to talk.

JD

J.D. Ross"Evil Prospers When Good Folks Do Nothing

JD's Journal

Aug 16, 2008

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Apr 22, 2008

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Heart For Garrett

Darren's Story (Garrett's Donor)

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Garrett Just After Surgery

Garret Post Surgery

6 Weeks after Surgery

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