April 1, 2008

Well, I guess I knew it was coming and I guess April fools day is as good as any for it to arrive. The strain of being away from home and the depth of whole situation finally hit with a vengeance tonight, striking Kathy and the kids pretty hard. We see other families here going home every day. Most are only here for a few days, and unfortunately we feel a little envious of them. But the last grain that tore the sack was a call from the transplant team that Garrett has to have another biopsy surgery soon. They told us this is necessary, because it’s the only way to know for sure that everything is on track. This is, after all, how they found out he was so sick just a month ago. But for me, the thought of having to lay him down on a table again is weighing pretty heavy, and he’s naturally very scared. This will be surgical procedure #20 since he was born.

Kathy and Jessi headed home this evening to pick up a few things and get a night away. She’s been extremely strong but after seeing kids playing ball on nearby diamonds, walking in to a quiet home, having the dogs run up asking where the heck we've been, seeing toys and family photos and beds not slept in, it struck a chord. Any mother can tell you that the connection with their babies is unlike any other relationship known to man. Having to watch her children suffer gets to be quite a load at times. Jessi, too, overheard the phone call. She went off into a corner and tried to hide under her arms. I just can’t imagine what is going through her little mind. She is so very precious and perceptive well beyond her years. All she really knows is that a month ago she was ripped from her home and all of her critter comforts and forced to wear her brother’s skivvies until we could get to the store and find some more suitable for a little girl.

The fear the pending surgery knocked Garrett down a notch this evening. He started crying and said he wanted to go home. He curled up on my lap, buried his head in my shoulder and said “daddy, why can’t we just go home? I don’t want any more needles. I don’t want to go in the hospital again. I just wanna go home and be normal again. God, how I want that for him. By eleven tonight he was really restless and upset again thinking about the biopsy. Sleep wasn’t an option at that time, so I just put him in a warm tub. It always relaxes him. He wanted to play with his baseball guys while he soaked, but had a heck of a time finding 9 toys who had all their arms and legs. He settled for three baseball players, two cowboys and one Luke Skywalker. It must’ve been one heck of a game.

I know I have asked for so much from you all, and your prayers…all of our prayers together, are singing praises to His merciful love. Please ask God to give Kathy and the kids strength, hope and faith in knowing He is carrying us all. There are many folks in this ol’ world who need your prayers, and we are honored to be among them. We know their not wasted petitions. They work, and we want you to know we won’t let you down.
In my career, I’ve been fixing other peoples problems in 30 minutes or less for over twenty years. But I know when I’m out matched. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? (Psalms 56:3-4)
This mission isn’t over yet. We’ve breached the door and made it into the main hallway, but still have a whole building to clear and bandits to defeat before we rest. But tomorrow is a new day, and we’ll put on our armor of God and fight the good fight.
Be blessed as I am blessed. I am praying for all of you. Good night.
JD